Many families reach a point where an ancestor's grave looks neglected and they want to put it right. Older memorials can often be brought back to a dignified state, but not everything is repairable. Here is what to expect.

Start with the paperwork, not the stone

Before touching anything, find out who holds the exclusive right of burial for the plot. That right sits with a named person or their descendants, and it is that holder, not simply the closest relative, who can authorise work on the grave.

You will generally need confirmation of who currently holds the plot rights, written permission from the cemetery or local council, approval of any change to size, materials or wording, and sometimes a permit fee.

Work carried out without permission can be required to be undone. If the rights holder has died and no succession has been recorded, the council office can explain how to have the right transferred, usually a straightforward form.

Cleaning versus restoring

These are two different jobs, and they are often confused.

Cleaning

Cleaning removes lichen, moss, algae and staining. On sound granite or marble, careful cleaning alone can transform how a grave looks, and it is by far the cheapest option.

It is also where well meaning families do the most damage. Wire brushes, household bleach, acids and water blasters all cause harm, particularly to marble and older sandstone, which are softer than people assume. That damage is usually permanent, so if the stone is flaking, get advice first.

Restoring

Restoration is structural and cosmetic work on the memorial itself, including lettering, repairs, levelling and surrounds. It requires a monumental mason and the permissions described above.

Re-cutting faded lettering

Weathering slowly rounds off the edges of carved letters until inscriptions become hard to read, especially on marble and shallow hand cut work.

A mason can often re-cut the original lettering, following the existing lines so the character of the inscription is kept. Where letters have almost gone, a photograph, a rubbing or the burial record helps enormously. Re-cutting is not always possible. If the surface has delaminated or the stone has become friable, cutting it again does more harm than good.

Re-gilding and repainting

Gold leaf and paint in the letters are finishes, not part of the stone, and they are expected to need renewal. Re-gilding is one of the most satisfying jobs on an old grave, because a stone that looked derelict can read clearly again for a modest cost. Painted lettering can also be cleaned back and refreshed.

Cracks, chips and broken sections

What can be done depends on where the damage is.

●        Small edge chips can often be dressed back or filled so the eye no longer catches them.

●        Clean breaks can sometimes be pinned and bonded with stainless dowels.

●        Hairline cracks may be stabilised, though the line usually stays visible.

●        Multiple breaks are rarely worth repairing, since every joint is a future weakness.

An honest mason will tell you when a repair will show and when it will not last. Repairs are almost never invisible, and most families accept that a visible mend is better than a broken memorial.

Sunken bases and lost kerbing

Ground settles over decades, and old foundations were often shallow. A leaning memorial is a safety issue as well as an eyesore, and some cemeteries will lay a stone flat if they judge it unstable.

Re-levelling means lifting the memorial, forming a new foundation, and resetting the stone true. It is disruptive, but it is the difference between a memorial that lasts another lifetime and one that has to be dealt with again in five years.

Missing kerbing is a separate question. Replacement can usually be matched in style if not exactly in stone, since old quarries close and colours drift. Some cemeteries no longer permit kerbing at all, so check first. Where matching proves impossible, removing it and tidying the plot often looks better.

When replacement is the honest answer

Sometimes a memorial is simply finished. Severe delamination, extensive spalling, a stone broken into pieces, or lettering weathered past recovery all point the same way.

A good memorial company will say so rather than sell you a restoration that will not hold. Sanctuary Memorials, which has worked on family graves around New Zealand and the Pacific for years, handles both refurbishment and replacement, and seeing how modern headstones nz masons reproduce older lettering styles can be reassuring if replacement is the only option.

Where a new stone is needed, the original inscription can usually be reproduced faithfully, including wording, layout and period lettering. Some families keep a fragment of the old memorial, or set it into the new base.

A sensible order to work through

1.                   Confirm who holds the plot rights and contact the cemetery.

2.                   Photograph the grave and record the inscription in full before any work starts.

3.                   Get an assessment from a monumental mason, in person if possible.

4.                   Ask what is repairable, what is cosmetic, and what is not worth doing.

5.                   Agree the scope in writing, then obtain the cemetery's approval.

Restoring a family grave is a quiet, generous thing to do. Approached in the right order it often costs less than families fear, and it gives the next generation something worth standing in front of.